You Thought You Were Having a Bad Day!

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Ummm…Ok….so….have you ever read a bible verse that just jumps off the page at you?

I mean you settle in with your favorite bible study and your bible and if you are lucky a cup of coffee or tea.  You get all comfy and begin to read and soak in all the words and then you come to THAT verse. It just leaps off the page and grabs you. You might even spit your coffee or tea out (heaven forbid!) 

Yep, well, that was me.  I woke up not feeling so well. 

No, that isn’t exactly correct. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! That won’t do either. Let’s get real. I woke up down right cranky! I was having a “Pity Party – Table for 1!” kind of morning.

So, I pull out my bible. Grab my favorite bible study. Start sipping my wonderfully warm love in a cup and BAM! God hits me right between the eyes with a verse.

Actually, it wasn’t even a full verse. It was a phrase. Just three simple words. I read this verse before. I heard preachers use this verse before.  I, however, am sure I have never noticed these three little words. If I didn’t know better, I would swear God just wrote them in my bible today to catch my attention.  I even checked other versions and yep, they were still there!

So, the words come out of Hebrews 11:37. Paul is talking about all the people that kept the faith.  He was trying to encourage people to keep the faith through everything they go through. He starts the chapter off saying, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see (Hebrew 11:1). He then proceeds to use the entire chapter to give examples of all the saints who kept the faith.

I was getting into it. I was amen-ing Moses, Jacob, Abraham, Rahab and all the rest. Then it got to others who were tortured, refusing to be released so that they might gain an even better resurrection (v. 35.) All of a sudden there they were, three words. They were “sawed in two.” 

Let me repeat that for you. Sawed! In! Two!

Now, I don’t want to get all gory and gross here, but I need to pause for a minute. People! There were no mechanized saws back then. No chain saws, radial arm saws, chop saws! Nothing but good old fashioned metal blades with some teeth. This was not going to be a quick death!

After spitting out my coffee all over myself, I could hear God say, “And you thought you were having a bad day!” Kind of put things into perspective for me. 

You see these words are not just words in the bible that happened a long time ago. Unfortunately, there are Christians all over the world standing for their faith and facing brutal deaths. 

As I write these words, I look at my book shelf and see five different bibles. These aren’t the only ones in our home. This also doesn’t include my two bible apps that both have several dozen different translations. Yet, there are people in other countries who are over joyed to see one page smuggled to them. 

We all have problems. We all go through trials and tribulations. We all see so many types of pain in our lives. Problems like losing a child, watching a loved one slowly die of cancer, a divorce, rape, physical or emotional abuse abound around us and happen to us.

When we think we can’t go on any more. We just can’t handle any more. Keep the faith! So many other saints have gone before us. We can follow their examples. Like verse 2 says, “This is what the ancients were commended for.” Add your name to the ancients! You have come through so much and kept the faith. Those around you will be looking to you also!

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

Beautifully and Wonderfully Made

Psalms 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

I have this habit of reading things and highlighting, underlining and putting post-it notes all over them when I find quotes or ideas for blogs. Pick up my bible and you have no idea what notecard might fall out at you. I am not better with ebooks.  I highlight and leave myself notes all over the place.

Then there is my walls in my my office. OH BOY! I have all sorts of things tacked, taped and pinned. It is just the way my mind works. 

Some days my mania takes over and I am compelled to write. Sometimes beautiful poetry comes out. Other days, it is just a jumbled mess. I recently shared one of my pieces with a friend who happens to be a social worker. Reading her face as she looked at each line and curve which should have been coherent words but instead looked like some kind of string art, said it all. I know the unreadable layers of words upon words made no sense.  To be honest, what I was writing really had no meaning even if you could make out a word here or there. 

I look at those pages and I see beautiful pieces of art. I couldn’t always say that about them. They use to scare me the next day when I realized what I had done. Now, I see them for what they really are…healing. These roadmaps of lines and curves in multiple colors written in several different directions is my brain making sense of the world around me when I am stressed to my limits and overwhelmed by even the simple thought of breathing.  

God created my mind and he knew the trauma that was going to come into my life. He knew my mind needed a way to escape sometimes into a safe world. A world where words danced across a page, sometimes in a slow lyrical waltz and other times a fast paced jig. 

To some, my world looks like insanity, but to others it is peace. To those who travel the same or similar paths, I hope you find your own safe world. Travelers of other journeys far from my path, I also hope you always find a place to call home.

Whichever roads you take in life or places you find yourself, I hope and pray above all else you learn to love and accept yourself. Show yourself some grace. Paint a world with beautiful colors made up of you! Catch a glimpse in a mirror of just how God sees you!

No, I am not just a woman with PTSD, I am beautifully and wonderfully made.

Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

Not a Fair Weather Friend

Matthew 28:20
Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.

Good Days, Bad Days
Happy Days, Sad Days
Every Days, All Days

We have all seen those stories (and a few of us may have lived them) where a person comes into money or fame and so called “friends” start popping up all over the place. Unfortunately, when the money and fame run out, so do those friends!

Thank goodness we have a true friend who doesn’t run out when the good times do. The original Greek word used for  “always” in Matthew 28:20 literally means “all the days”. Jesus meant he would be with us through All Our Days. This includes all of our circumstances, good and bad.

He is there in those deep dark places, where we think we will never see the light again. When the tears are coming so hard, you can’t even take a breath, he is there. Yes, he is even there when we don’t want to take another breath. You may not feel him or see him, but he is there fighting for you and loving you every step of the way.

This verse reminds me of my mom’s favorite poem, “Footprints.”

Our LORD is with us no matter what we face today. He is walking right beside us and sometimes even carries us. He is NOT a fair weather friend.

 

Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

Express It and Confess It!

Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Did you know you can’t surprise God? Yep, no surprise parties for Him. 

Everything you do and don’t do, 
Everything you feel and don’t feel, 
Everything you think and don’t thing,
He knows it all and is NOT surprised by it.

I came to grips with this a few years back when I was angry at God.  My husband came home, on my 10th wedding anniversary, to tell me he was in love with someone else and he wanted a divorce.  Here I was all dressed up and ready to go out for a nice dinner.  He was two hours late, with no phone call or text, and these were the first words out his mouth.  I am pretty sure I had a right to be upset.

I was upset with him, of course, but truth was, I was also angry with God.

I had two choices. One, be the “good little Christian” I was taught to be in my Sunday School class as a child and keep it all boxed up. Put a bow on top and smile my way through it. Two,  stomp off to my room give out a wail of an ugly cry and yell and scream at God. Throw the temper tantrums of all tantrums.

Want to guess what I did? If you guessed two, you would be correct!

It was all right there in my heart. God knew it already. I might as well express it! I gave Him both barrels.  I may have even thrown in a cuss word here and there. 

You know what I found out? God has big shoulders. Confessing to Him every little detail was healing. Hiding it and pretending it doesn’t exist doesn’t make it go away. Your pain will find you! 

God was not offended by my  brutal honesty.  As a matter of fact, I think He is more offended when we hide it.  It is like we are out and out lying to His face! We are no better than Adam and Eve trying to hide in garden.

The next time you feel those emotions boiling inside, express them and confess them. Pour out your heart to God. He is our strong refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

She is Not Broken Anymore

I know I would normally blog about some experience I am going through and then tie it all nice and neat up with a bow to a bible verse.  However, tonight is going to be a little different.  A bible study of verses in I Peter, in the Message version of the bible, spoke to me.  I really think they speak for themselves and need no wrapping paper or bows.

Since Jesus went through everything you’re going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you’ll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want.

Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner.

So if you find life difficult because you’re doing what God said, take it in stride. Trust him. He knows what he’s doing, and he’ll keep on doing it.

1 Peter 4:1-2, 12-13 & 19 The Message

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

Thank You for Traveling that Road

Philippians 1:6
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

No one’s life is all rainbows and unicorns. We all face painful moments that rock out entire world in a matter of seconds.

These moments will change you forever. So let them change you for the good.  Let them make you smarter, stronger, and grace filled. 

Through these times of trials and tribulations you just might be molding into the person God is preparing as the answer to someone’s prayer. Someone is going to need your wisdom, knowledge and most important empathy when they travel the road behind you.

Right now you may not see the end of the tunnel, but I know the LORD can. He is right next to you every step breathing life into your present and future. He is shining HIS light in the darkest places. Hold on tight. 

He is NOT going to leave you or forsake you. His grip is very tight and He will not drop you. No uncertainty, no broken dreams, and NO FEAR can keep you from Him.

Kick, scream, cry, throw a tantrum if you must. But then straighten your crown, remind Satan just who you are and keep moving.

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

You Must Step into Freedom

Galatians 5:1
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let ourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

I sat there reliving the moment over and over again. I felt the guilt and anguish. I had really screwed up! I had let my anger get the best of me and I had lashed out at my son, again!

It wasn’t the first time and I am ashamed to say it wasn’t the last either.

When my kids were growing up, I had no idea I had PTSD. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and even bipolar disorder, but no one had even thought of non-combat PTSD.

Non-combat. What does that even mean? It is another label they put on me to let others know that although I have PTSD, it isn’t military related.  To us with PTSD, that label has no meaning. We all know the trauma we went through and how it affects each and every one of us. 

Most importantly, we know the guilt we carry around because of it.

When the battle is over and the smoke clears, I see the damage I have done.  I see the casualties of my sickness. I have to pick up the pieces and try to put them together again.

You don’t have to have PTSD to have these feelings. Any argument can leave you with feelings of guilt. Feelings of would of, could of and should of. It doesn’t matter who was right or who was wrong. The damage is done and no one wins.

Later, as you do pick up those pieces and the mending process starts, the guilt never seems to leave.  Oh, it goes away for awhile. But then you are laying there in bed and the darkness creeps in around you. It whispers how wrong you were. 

How could you have done that!

No one will ever really forgive you for that!

You are the worst person ever!

You don’t deserve to be forgiven!

You are so stupid!

These words are NOT from God!

Let me repeat that…THESE. WORDS. ARE. NOT. FROM. GOD!

Christ draws us closer to him through conviction. The Holy Spirit prompts us to make corrections in our life. Condemnation brings only darkness into our lives leaving us with more problems and no solutions.

Christ came to set us free from condemnation. He knew we were going to have “those days.” He knew we were going to face “those issues.” He also knew we wouldn’t always choose the right way to handle them. He came so we wouldn’t be held captive by our bad choices forever. We would have freedom to stand up, dust ourselves off and try again. 

Our past is a chance for a teaching moment, it should not be a punishment moment. Discipline comes with love, mercy and grace. Punishment comes with hate, evil and condemnation.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let ourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1). Learn from your mistakes and move on. Don’t live as a slave to them for the rest of your life. Christ has opened the door of your cell, but you have to step out into the sunshine.

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

Feeling Guilty for Doing Right

Isaiah 26:3
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.

I had to drive an hour and a half this morning to a meeting.  It was mostly interstate and the speed limit was 65.  I was doing 65.  I had my cruise control set.  People started passing me and I mean flying by me. I felt bad.

Yes, you read that right. I. Felt. Bad! I mean I felt guilty.  Like I was some how slowing them down or getting in their way.  

I contemplated speeding up and being like everyone else. Being part of the crowd.  Keeping up with everyone. Passing all the “slow” drivers like me. Making them get out of my way.

Then it hit me! I was feeling guilty for doing the right thing.  I was feeling bad because I wasn’t part of the crowd, doing what everyone else was doing. Doing what was really against the law.

OK, anyone else going huh? Why should I feel guilty?

Don’t for one minute think I am a driving saint! I don’t always obey the speed limit.  Today, however, I was and I couldn’t believe I felt guilty for doing the right thing.

Peer pressure is an awful thing and it doesn’t just happen to young people. It can happen to anyone at any age.  What it really boils down to is a pack of lies from the father of lies.  He is just trying to get into your head.  That old, “Did he really say you would die if you ate from that tree?!” 

LIES! LIES! LIES!

Keep steadfast! Don’t give in to the lies! You will find perfect peace when you hold on and trust the LORD!

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

No Sell-By-Date

Philippians 1:6
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

One of my favorite author’s is Sheila Walsh.  In her book, In the Middle of the Mess she says,  “I believe it’s possible to be healed and to fall again and again. Grace doesn’t come with a sell-by date.”

I chuckle every time I read that. Grace Doesn’t Come With a Sell-By-Date!

I want to run around screaming AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!

We are not perfect! Even as Christians we make mistakes! We are going to make mistakes.  We are works in progress. Don’t believe me, read Philippians 1:6 again.  It says God has begun a good work in me and is continuing to work in me until He is finally finished.  When will He be finished? When Christ Jesus returns!  

Tabetha translation: I am trying my best to do the best I can with what I have.  I will make mistakes.  I will own up to those mistakes.  I will fall down.  I will get up again. I will keep tying.  I AM HUMAN! 

The quicker we can all except that fact, the quicker we can move on to every one around us is also human.  They will also make mistakes. The quicker we will learn to live together and work together.

I recently read a sign that said instead of gossiping about someone put them on your prayer list. Extend them some of that no expiration date GRACE! The good LORD knows you and I are certainly going to need some.

We may be spoiled by Grace, but thank you LORD that Grace never spoils!

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

Save Me from My Darkness

Romans 10:13 HCSB
For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. 

PTSD throws me back to the times and places of my attacks.  Not only do I feel emotionally and physically everything around me, I also hear everything that was happening then.  I smell everything just like it was. I can even taste the moment.  Everything in the here and now melts away and I am thrown back into that exact moment over and over again. I relive it like a nightmare that will not end.

As I sit in my pit of despair, when my PTSD has sent me over the edge and all I see is darkness all around, the old demons come back.  I can hear the laughter and hissing all around. I feel the inky darkness of evil overtaking me. Thoughts of self mutilation and even suicide become a familiar tune.

I have admitted these feelings to few people.  Only a couple of people in my life truly understand and have even walked these pathways too. As a matter of fact, this is the first time I have put these thoughts in writing.  My poetry is often dark and obscure, but I have never out and out talked about self mutilation and suicide.

I have done lots of research and ready many books on PTSD, as well as other mental disorders. For years my doctors thought I was bipolar. It took one doctor to finally look at me and hear my story to realize it was actually PTSD.

Recently, I picked up another book from an author not only spoke to me, but seemed to be walking right beside me. In the Middle of the Mess is Sheila Walsh’s story of her own fight with depression, including suicidal thoughts.

In one part of the book she was describing a particular night where she was fighting the darkness all around her.  Her experience was very similar to the one I described above.  She remembers calling out Romans 10:13

“I called that verse out loud and I believed it. I called on His name and believed Him. I had been saved from hell and into eternity ever since, as an eleven-year-old girl, I accepted Jesus as my Savior. But that night I needed saving in the present, and I knew it. It wasn’t that I needed to become a Christian again; instead, I needed the power of the living Word of God to save me from the present tormentors.”

I have been saved since I was seven years old.  I am a Pastor’s wife and have been in church all my life.  I have heard or read that verse millions of times, but never like this.  I have always read it as part of the salvation road or Roman’s Road as we always called it.  I never looked at it in present tense.  I called out and the LORD saved me.

In the middle of my darkest times, I call out and the LORD saves me.

I don’t know what you are going through right now or what you may be facing tomorrow.  I do know that everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.  This does not just mean salvation from your sins when you become a Christian.  You will be saved from your circumstances. I don’t know how. I don’t know when, but I know the LORD will save you! So hang in and repeat this with me and keep repeating it until you believe it!

For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Romans 10:13

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.