Habakkuk 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD. I will be joyful in God my savior.
When depression, anxiety, and PTSD hit, they take me down, down deep into the pit. I feel like I am drug swiftly and hard. I grab for anything around to hold on to, but it breaks within my grasp. I can see I am losing touch with reality, but I cannot stop it.
The weight is heavy on my heart and mind. The darkness surrounds and swallows me up. It is too late. No turning back now. I must survive.
How long will it last?
How deep will I go?
Will I find my way back?
Am I lost forever this time?
I don’t know. I need to focus on surviving this moment.
I need to laugh. I need to smile. I need to fight back.
I’m too tired. It hurts. I have nothing left in me.
Then, I hear it, a small distant voice. I am not sure if I am imagining it. It is so faint. “Let Go. Let me hold you.”
Soon, I catch a glimpse of a very faint light. A flicker. It takes all my remaining strength to focus on this beautiful sound and light. I fight the urge to turn away. Then I let go. I don’t fight. I just sit and wait.
A familiar peace starts warming my soul. The light brightens. The voice gets louder. It soon repeats in my heart, “yet I will rejoice in the LORD. I will be joyful in God my savior” (Habakkuk 3:18).
My lips tremble at first. My voice is silent. No air passes my vocal cords, not even a squeak. I am being choked and cannot scream out for help.
I press on with determination from deep within. “Let your voice be heard” starts pounding now, in my head. LET! YOUR! VOICE! BE! HEARD!
My lips part. They begin to move, “yet I will rejoice in the LORD. I will be joyful in God my savior.” Again! AGAIN! A-G-A-I-N!
My voice is now booming. The darkness struggles to hold on. It loses its grip. It scrambles and tightens its talons, but I slip through.
My strength returns. I stand up tall and straight. The light around me is so bright. The voice is loud and harsh and together we dispel the darkness.
I AM FREE!
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